The Sphinx, Vol. 14, No. 203

              December 22, 1906.
THE SPHINX.
29
Tit-Iits.
A small office boy, who had worked in the same position for two years on a salary of twelve shillings a week, finally plucked up enough courage to ask for an increase in wages.
“How much more would you like to have?” inquired his employer.
“Well,” answered the lad, “I don’t think eight shillings more a week would be too much.”
“Well, you seem to be a rather small boy to be earning a pound a week,” remarked his employer.
“I suppose I do. I know I’m small for my i age,” the boy explained, “but to tell the truth, since I’ve been here I haven’t had time to grow.” j He got the rise.
The Irish counsel was fighting a losing case ; with heart and soul.
Law had ceased to matter, and the cross-exam-mination gradually became perfect specimens of the art of witness baiting. A foreign sailor wns called.
“Ye’re a Swede ?”
“No, sir.”
“Hwat are ye, then ?”
“A Dane, sir.”
Counsel turned to the jury in a blind rage. “Gintlemen, 'ye hear this—this equivocating ; scoundrel ? Go down, sir!
Another Irish witness story, a bit of a chestnut, perhaps, but what witness story isn’t ?
Some hay had been returned as not up to sample, and the action was for the price of the goods. j “You say you were present when the defendant returned the hay ?”
“Yes, sir, oi was.”
“You heard all that was said ?”
“Yes, sor, oi did.”
“On what ground did he refuse to accept the hay then ?”
“In the plaintiff’s back yard, sor, he refused to accept the hay.”
Mistress (to new nurse): “Now, Biddy, you may let the children play on the piano while I am ! out.”
“Very good, mum,” replied Biddy.
When the mistress came back, however, and surveyed the wreck, she gave a gasp of astonishment. “Good gracious !” she exclaimed, “what’s the meaning of this ?”
“Shure, mum, replied the nurse, “I let the children play on the piano, as you bid me, and Miss Mary has been walking up and down on them | white and black things and making them squale, and Master Tommy has been jumping over the back for an hour 1”
“It’s seven o’clock, Willie. We must run home.” “No; if I go home now I shall be thrashed for being so late. I’m going to stay till nine, and then I’ll get cakes and kisses because I’m not j drowned.
A certain thrifty individual, in the hope of getting a gratuitous medical opinion, remarked casually one day to his doctor :
“I say, doctor, what do you do when you’ve ! got a cold ?”
“I cough,” replied the M.D., briefly.
“Ah 1 Quite so,” stammered the other ; “but what do you take ?”
“I take advice,” snapped the son of Aisculap- J ius; and the thrifty man took his leave.
Counsel (examining witness) :	Did you—of
course I know you did not, but I am bound to put it to you—on the 23rd—it was not the 23rd real-ly, it was the 24th, it is a mistake in my brief— | see the defendant—he is not the defendant really. | he is the plaintiff—there is a counter-claim, but you wouldn’t understand that—did you, yes or no?
Witness : Yes, I didn’t 1
In a French newspaper recently appeared two separate items which, through somebody’s error, j got printed as one:—
Dr.----has been appointed head physician of:
the Charity Hospital. Orders have been issued by the authorities for the immediate extension 1 of the cemetery of Mont Parnasse. The works are
being executed with the utmost despatch.
.	I
An amusing story is told of the confusion which may arise in America from the assumption | that every person belongs to some lodge or other. Lately a new family went to a Western city and took up their quarters right opposite a past master of various societies. In a few days he stopped the young son of the newcomer and asked : “Is your father a Mason ?” “No, sir,” said the boy, promptly. “Then is he an Oddfellow ?” was the next question. “No sir, he ain’t,” am swered the boy. “Knight of Pythias? Woodman? Workman? Pyramid? Forester? Maccabee?” At every name the boy shook his his head. “Isn’t 1 your father a member of any lodge ?" pursued the inquirer. “Not one,” said the boy. “Then why on earth does he make all those signs when he comes out every morning ?” “Oh,” cried the boy, “that ain’t lodge ! Pa’s got St. Vitus’ dance!”
The American view of the Yankee tourist in London differs somewhat from ourown,according to the New-York “Outlook.” A sense of some-| thing venerable, august,and mysterious overshadows him. Our idea of him is more in accordance with the spirit of the old yarn of the Bostonian, who on being informed that a certain altar lamp had been burning incessantly for 2 000 years, triumphantly extinguished it, with the remark, “ Well, it’s out now, anyway.
Two Americans who were travelling in England made a devout pilgrimage to Stratford-on-Avon and spent several days wandering about the neighbourhood. One day they met a countryman, and, pausing, one of the pilgrims said :
“My friend, I envy you your life here amid the fields that knew the great poet’s youth. What sublime thoughts must come to you as you tread the paths his feet trod !”
The rustic simply stared, and the American demanded if he knew of whom he was speaking, receiving a prompt negative.
“Why, of Shakespeare, man ! You must know of him!” the pilgrim explained, stricken with horror.
After some coaxing the man fially admitted that he had heard of Shakespeare, and believed that he had “wrote for summat.”
“And have you any idea for what he wrote ? Was it the ‘Times’?” the American inquired, with infinite sarcasm.
“Oh, it warn’t the Lunnon paper,” the man said. “I know it was summat solemn like. I think it was the Bible, belike !”
One morning a Sunday school was about to be dismissed, and the youngsters were already in anticipation of relaxing their cramped little limbs after the hours of confinement on straight-backed chairs and benches, when the superintendent arose and instead of the usual dismissal, announced :
“And now, children, let me introduce Mr. Smith, who will give us a short talk.”
Mr. Smith smilingly arose, and after gazing around the class room, began with :
“I hardly know what to say.” On which the whole school was convulsed to hear a small little voice back in the rear lisp :
“Thay ‘Amen’ and thit down !”
A bright ten-year-old girl, whose father is addicted to amateur photography, ottended a trial at court the other day for the first time. This was her account of the judge’s charge: “The judge made a long speech to the jury of twelve men, and then sent them off into a little dark room to develop.”

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