The Sphinx, Vol. 13, No. 195

              22
THE SPHINX
March 3, 1906.
>•
si Stories Worth Repeating
Ethel’s father is an artist, and he often permits his little daughter to stay in the studio with him and paint. Ethel has some brushes and paint of her own, and uses them with some ability and more satisfaction. One day a visitor called at the studio, and Ethel eagerly showed him a small canvas.
‘•Did you paint this ?” asked the visitor, in surprise.
“Yes, sir,” said Ethel.
“Well, well, it is very good indeed ! Are you sure you painted it all yourself ?”
“No, not at all,” Ethel admitted, reluctantly. “ Papa helped me a little.”
“Oh r
“But he used my brushes !” the little girl hastily added.
“No, Mr. Goodun,” said the theatrical manager, regret* fu’ly, “we cannot put your comic opera on.”
“But why ?” asked the other. “The plot is new ; the dialogue is crisp, funny, and free from the old jokes ; the songs are catchy and tuneful ; and there is every opportunity for good acting and singing. Why can’t you use it ?” “It is all you say of it, and more,” acknowledged the manager ; “but it is not up to date. I fear you are a back number.”
“Back number ?”
“Yes. There isn’t a song in the whole show that doesn’t have a perfectly reasonable excuse for being sung in connection with the development of the plot.”
The chairlady rapped sharply,
“It ought not to be necessary for the chair to remind members,” she said, severely, “that under our rules of order, to say nothing of common courtesy, only one member may be silent at a time. Any member who liecomes silent at the same time that another member is silent is distinctly out of order.”
The ladies of the club visibly cringed under this merited rebuke.
A gentleman visiting a minister was asked to attend a .Sunday school at his host’s church, and address a few remarks to the children. He took the familiar theme of the children who mocked Elijah on his journey to Bethel—how the youngsters taunted the poor old prophet, and how they were punished when two she-bears came out of the wood and ate forty and two of them.
“And now, children,” said the speaker, wishing to learn if his talk had produced any moral effect, “what does this story show ?”
“Please, sir,” came from a little girl well down in front, it shows how many children two she-bears can hold."
That laughter is by no means an unequivocal symptom of a m jrry !ij.v*t, is shown by a remarkable anecdote of Ca-lini, the drollest buffoon ever known on the Italian stage at Paris. A French physician being consulted by a person who was subject to the most gloomy fits of melancholy, an-vised liis patient to mix in scenes of gaiety, and, particularly, to frequent the Italian Theatre : “And.” said he. “ if Carlini does not dispel your gloomy complaint, your case must be desperate indeed !” “Alas, sir !” replied the patient, “I myself am Carlini, but, while I divert all Paris with mirth, and make them almost die with laughter, I am myself actually dying with chagrin and melancholy !” Immoderate laughter, like the immoderate use of strong cordials, gives only a temporary appearance of cheerfulness, j which is soon terminated by an increased depression of 1 spirits.
Some person reported to Tasso that a malicious enemy spoke ill of him to all the world. “Let him persevere.” said Tasso : “his rancour gives me no pain. How much better is it that he should speak ill of me to all the world, than that all the world should .speak ill of me to him.”
“Well, Freddie, ’ said grandma, who had just arrived for a month’s visit, “I suppose your father was greatly surprised to get my telegram, saying I was coming ?”
“Yes, but his surprise was not as great as mother’s.”
“At the glad news, I suppose ?”
“No, grandma : hut at papa’s language.”
Rumours of peace were afloat everywhere, and at the club the matter had been debated at full length. McDonnell and Packcrtbn had been exceedingly interested in the discussion, and had stayed till the bitter end. and now they were seeing each other home, while the pale stars looked down and wondered why people who had the opportunity did not get to bed earlier, and winked solemnly.
“I say, Packerfcbn,” said McDonnell timidly, “we’re in our road now, and your eyes are better than mine. Is there a light in my (fining-room window ?”
“There is,” said his friend ominously.
And McDonnell sighed a long, dank, dreary sigh.
“That peace business,” he said sadly, “is all nonsense She’s sitting up.”
An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman went forth together to burgle a farmhouse. The Sassenach appropriated a horse, the Gael a cow, while the representative from Erin commandeered a cart.
As they were making their way into a town, a policeman approached and asked the Englishman where he got the horse.
“Ah !” was the reply. “I’ve had it since it was a foal !”
“And where did you get that cow ?” he asked Scottie, who responded.
“Ah, I’ve had her since she was a calf !”
Turning to Pat, the constable next asked, “Where did you get the cart ?”
“Ah, begorra,” quickly retorted Pat. “I’ve had it since it was a wheel-barrow !”
When Mark Twain wm a young and struggling newspaper writer at San Francisco a lady of his ac plaintance saw him one day with a cigar box under his arm looking in a shop window.
“Mr. Clemens,” she said, "I always see you with a cigar liox under your arm. T am afraid you are smoking too much.”
“It isn’t that." said Mark. “I’m moving again.”
One hot summer's day a gentleman who was waiting for his train at one of our country stations asked a po. ter who was lying on one of the seats, where the station master lived, and the porter lazily pointed to the house with his foot. The gentleman, very much struck at the man’s laziness, said :—
“If you can show me a lazier action than that, my good man, I’ll give you two-and-sixpence.”
The porter not moving an inch, replied, “Put it in my pocket, guv’nor.”
Tt is well known what a huge German population lives, in America. When the Kaiser received a visit tiom Generals Corbin, Wood, and Young, on behalf of the American Army, he asked General Young if he had been in Germany before. The General replied that he had, and the Emperor asked him what parts of Germany he had visited. General Young replied, “Milwakee, St. Louis, and Cim innti.” The Kaiser was much amused, and made the General .epeat his-reply to the Empress.
“Well done, Sam, my boy !” said Ned Jordan to his friend, Sam Malone, a few days after the latter’s wedding. “I see you have given up smoking in order to please the wife ; I did the same mjsslf.”
“And did you persevere ?”
“Well, for the first week it was mighty hard work to keep from the pipe ; but after that I had no more trouble at all.”
“What means did you adopt ?”
“Oh, the means I adopted was simplicity itself—I began to smoke again !”
Joiephs, one of the wits of the financial centre, was approached the other day by a well-known character about “chi Street,” who plaintively put to him this question: “Josephs, would you le*ai i sovereign to a friend in dis-treW‘
41 would in a ininte,“ respondel Jo • phs “but I haven’t
go*----”
••Don’t tell me that you haven’t got it,” interrupted the otli.r. “I saw you change a five-pound note just now.” “You did not permit me to finish my sentence,” said Josephs icily. “What I started to say. when you inter-i-ujted. was that T haven’t got a f iend in the world.”
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